D3 body, D1 cock
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
