I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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