I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
