i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
