Pappa wants mamma naked
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
