Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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