I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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