Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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