I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
