He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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