based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
