it was like eating out sand paper
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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