i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Actions speak louder than pants.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
