for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
