I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
