Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So much rum. So many feels.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
