I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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