i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
