You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
