I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
