so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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