Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
