Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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