I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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