I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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