OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
