listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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