Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
