so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
