We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My breasts were aching with rage.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
