dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
