I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
