omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
