How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
