New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
