I accidentally had phone sex last night
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
me + whiskey = a bad person
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
