i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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