I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
