Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
