): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
