I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
