We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
