i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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