nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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