Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
