Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
