Sry I called you an 8
My hand turned me down
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
