$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
