Porn is love you can see.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
