I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
