Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
