We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
