I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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