I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
